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Brad Carson
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Posts from February 2013

Is Your Online Dream Guy Married & Hiding It?

It's happened to a few of my friends and maybe it's happened to you. Meet someone on a dating site.....meet up....and he's PERFECT for you. Then....later.....you find out HE's MARRIED,. :-(


This is a bit of a lengthy read, but a MUST if you are looking for love online. These are the top red flags that he might be married.  (thanks to Online Dating Magazine)



Tip #1:
He chooses not to post a picture of himself online, or he posts a picture that may be very dark and difficult to pick him out of a crowd.
Most married men do not want their picture out there for everyone to see. They don’t want to risk that slim chance that some one they know could possibly recognize them. Instead of posting their photos online, they may choose to email you a picture to your personal email address. This is much safer for them, because it is not likely that you know someone that they know who could recognize their photo.
Tip #2: 
He will likely be the one to initiate the first contact.
Online dating sites make it very easy for both men and women to initiate first contact. It can be an even split between you starting contact or the man starting contact. But, in most cases, the married man will send the first form of communication, whether that is a chat message or a short email.
Married men often times will use a short introduction and then immediately ask you questions to better identify your personality type. They will very rarely say much about themselves and what they are like in that first communication to you. Some married men tend to have a ‘type’ that they are looking for, but most of them just seek out someone who seems interesting to them. They may also be in search of someone who may seem very trusting and naïve, and someone who could possibly be easily manipulated. These details can be very difficult to ascertain for a married man who is new to the online dating world, but there are also ‘professional married men’ who do have experience with online dating and deception, and they know just the right questions to ask. The first few communications shared are what they use to decipher if you could be an easy target.
Tip #3: 
He may be very irregular or erratic about his responses back to you. 
Obviously, married men have ‘family lives’, so they may not be as available to get online and respond to you as quickly as men who are single and have lots of free time on their hands. If he seems to be responding at set times (such as 10 PM weekdays) and his responses are very irregular in the amount of days between emails, there is a possibility that he has a wife and maybe even kids at home that take up his time. It could also be that he is just a very busy person with either work or outside life events. But, this detail should closely be watched and scrutinized when meeting a new person online.
Tip #4: 
He requests your phone number, but will not give you his number.
Married men will usually request your phone number fairly quickly after the first initial contact. He may use a line like “Hey, I’d really like to hear your voice on the phone. Could I get your number?”
If a man requests your number, but does not offer his own in that same email or chat message, you may not want to share your number with him just yet. It might be a better idea to write back, requesting he share his number with you first. Or you could choose to give him a cell number instead (read this article).
Whatever you decide to do, just be very careful with your first initial phone conversation with him. If you have chosen to go ahead and give out your number without getting his, be sure that you ask for his number when he does finally call you. Chances are, that if he is married, he is either calling you from a phone other then his home phone, or he has some blocking feature that will keep you from getting his number if when you use the number call-back feature on your phone (or call waiting).
Just because a man may not offer his phone number when requesting yours, does not necessarily mean that he is married or has anything to hide. He may just be one of those men who is very old fashioned, and refuses to have the women make that first call. But, if he is a believer in calling the woman first, he will more than likely tell you that when he replies to your request. He will probably also give you his number without any qualms. If it is his home number that he gives you, then you are probably pretty safe to assume that he is likely not married.
Tip #5:
His calls to you are very irregular, or are at set times.
You may be getting phone calls from him very frequently, or maybe the calls are more irregular. Married men have to call you on their own convenience. They may choose to call you late on weekdays or weekends, or they may call as soon as they get off work. They have to schedule their times around their married lives to make time to call you. Married men who work nights tend to call women while they are on a break. This could be very late in the evenings. Be very aware of the times that he is calling you. Ask yourself questions, such as
1) Does it always seem to be about the same time that he calls?
2) Are the calls frequent, or do they fluctuate?
3) Where is he calling you from?
Things like this are ways to identify if he could possibly be leading a double life.
Tip #6:
He will only share his cell number with you.
Most men who have nothing to hide will share both their cell phone number and home number with you. They want to be available for your phone calls. If a man will only give you his cell number, and is not willing to share his home number with you, then there should be red flags going up. If he is married, then obviously he does not want you calling him at home because there is too much risk of his wife or children finding out about you. Watch for him to use an excuse like that he is never home, and that the cell is always on him, thus being the “best way” to catch him.
Tip #7:
You have his cellular number, but constantly are forced to leave a message.
Again, this is a convenience thing for him. By you leaving a message, it gives him time to schedule when he can return your call, because more then likely he is with his wife or with someone that he does not want to know that he is having an affair. You may even have to wait hours before he is able to return your call, with some story about not having his cell on him, or the phone being in a place where he didn’t have reception. If it takes quite a bit of time for him to return your call, chances are that he is busy with family or friends and does not feel safe to make a quick call to you. Plus, he needs time to work out a story he can tell you as to why he did not answer, or why it took him so long to return your call.
Tip #8:
He won’t share his last name with you.
Married men tend to be very protective of themselves and whom they allow to know their true full names. They don’t want to give out their real last name for the fear that you could look them up in the local phonebook, or even find them in an online name search. If he is unwilling to give you his last name, particularly after you’ve entered into the phone phase of your communication, another red flag should be going up. You should be questioning why it is that he will not tell you his last name.
Unfortunately, there are married men out there who use aliases, so it is all the more difficult for you to detect if he is married or not. Trust your instincts, and do a little searching of their names if they give you a last name. You can even jokingly ask to see his “driver’s license” picture. If he gets real defensive then he may have something to hide (besides an ugly driver’s license photo).
Tip #9:
He is very secretive about where he lives.
In the first couple of dates, it is very understandable that neither party wants to share their home addresses. But once you two start to see more of each other, that question is definitely going to arise, especially if you have entered or are in the process of entering into an intimate relationship with him. He may insist that he has roommates and would much rather prefer to go to your place. He may also tell you that his home is just not ready for company, meaning that his maid has not shown up for weeks. But if he keeps putting you off about seeing where he lives, then chances are he is hiding something from you – like a wife!
Tip #10:
He does not divulge much info about himself or his family and upbringing.
As you start to communicate more over the phone and in person, you both really want to know more about the other person and what kind of experiences your partner has been through. Married men will do just about anything to steer clear of that conversation with you. They may turn the tables on you, and make you tell them everything about yourself, and get you to talking in order to turn the attention off of them. Some men may just tell you that there is really nothing to tell, and that they have lead a boring life up until they met you. They may even try to change the subject entirely, and get you focused on something completely different. Ladies, if he is not willing to talk about himself and his family and where he grew up, then he is definitely trying to hide something from you, whether that is his past, or his present.
Tip #11:
You never get the chance to meet his friends or family.
When people are truly interested in someone, they are extremely eager to share you with their friends and family. They want to show you off to the people who mean the most to them. With married men, this is not the case for obvious reasons. They do not want you to meet their friends or family, and they do not want them to meet you. You are a secret in his life, and you must stay that way. Instead, you will find that you are sharing your friends and family with him. When going out with other couples, they will be friends of yours and not of his. Be very aware of this aspect in your new relationship. If he is not willing to allow you to even meet his friends, let alone his family, then there is something wrong.



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Taylor Swift's Goat Has Been Replaced.....

....by a paper towel machine. LOL! I don't know why I find these stupid videos so funny, but I do. I guess everyone needs a good, dumb laugh sometimes.


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30 Seconds of Whhhhhhaaaaat?

This has got to be the strangest Harlem Shake video I have seen so far.....but considering Portland, OR is known for "Keeping It Weird".....it makes sense. Ha!

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Meeting The Parents? Don't Do These Things!

There are few things in life more stressful than meeting your boyfriend's (or girlfriend's) family for the first time. Thanks to Glamour Magazine, here's a list of things you DON'T want to do. I'm sure there's a few more, though......anyone got something to add to the list?


1. DON'T bring your phone to the dinner table.
"When my son brought his new girlfriend over for dinner the first time, she was texting on her cell phone the entire meal. She was trying to hide it under the table and pretend she was listening to our conversation, but it was obvious she had more 'important' people to converse with."

-Sue, Quincy, Mass.

2. DON'T get all touchy-feely.
"I hate it when there's too much PDA. My son had a girlfriend who was really affectionate in front of my husband, my other children and myself. The first time we met his girlfriend, she kept coming up behind him and grabbing him or kissing his cheeks, which made me really uncomfortable. I understand how it is to be young and in love, but seriously, there is an appropriate time and place and…in front of your boyfriend's parents is not one of them."
-Peg, Boston

3. DON'T be a know-it-all.
"Since my grandson is now a busy, working grown man, the occasions when we get to sit down and visit are rare. Last Thanksgiving, I sat next to him at dinner to catch up, but his new girlfriend started answering questions for him and controlling the conversation. When I tried to tell her a funny story about him as a little boy, she interrupted. It annoyed me that she wasn't interested in anything the family had to say and tried to act like she knew our grandson much better than we did."
-Jerry, Clearwater, Fla.

4. DON'T forget your manners.
"My brother brought his new girlfriend over for the holidays. After a family meal, we all got up and started clearing the table and washing the dishes…well, everyone got up to help except her. She stayed seated at the table, playing a game on her cell phone. Later on, after we had exchanged gifts, she threw her used wrapping paper to the floor and walked out of the room, leaving the mess for someone else to clean up. She was rude and very disrespectful."
-Alyx, San Francisco

5. DON'T overstay your welcome.
"When my son brought his girlfriend over for the first time, she seemed like a really nice girl…until she stayed for the Sunday football festivities. During the game, she made it obvious she didn't like football. She pouted on the couch and kept angrily whispering. At half time, she got up and walked to the door, demanding my son leave to take her home. Football isn't everyone's idea of a good time, but it's important to be respectful and open-minded when you meet new people and experience their traditions."
-Chuck, Pittsburgh

6. DON'T bring your problems with you.
"During the holidays one year, my son brought his then-girlfriend over to stay for a long weekend. As the visit progressed, it was obvious that she was angry and irritated with my son. She kept sulking in the corner and texting on her phone, refusing to participate in conversation. She even went as far as outwardly ignoring my son in front of everyone during dinner! My son tried to ask her a simple question, and she rolled her eyes and looked at her plate. It was so awkward and uncomfortable that no one really knew what to say or do next."
-Sharyn, Holmdel, N.J.

7. DON'T drink too much (or maybe at all).
"Drinking and meeting the family are never good ideas. My grandson brought his new girlfriend over for New Year's Eve one year, and she showed up very intoxicated. The poor girl kept obnoxiously dancing, speaking way too loudly and slurring her words. After she finally stumbled out the door to be taken home, the whole family talked about how embarrassing and rude she was to make a first impression drunk."
-Joey, Washington, Penn.

8. DON'T broach touchy subjects.
"When my son brought his girlfriend over, she announced she was a political-science major and immediately started interrogating my wife and me about our political beliefs and urging us to vote for the candidate she preferred. I was shocked by her shameless approach to conversation after just meeting us and couldn't get over her blatant disrespect. Whenever people talk about controversial topics, it always starts things off on the wrong foot."
-Al, Boston

9. DON'T be fake-nice.
"I can't stand when my son brings over new girlfriends to meet the family and the girl is completely fake. Offer to help with dinner once, not five times. I understand it's intimidating meeting a family, but it's important that the girl calms down and acts like herself. It impresses me most when a girl can sit down with the family and hold a conversation with everyone, instead of sticking to herself or worrying about being polite."
-John, Quincy, Mass.

10. DON'T lie. Period.
"When my nephew first introduced me to his girlfriend, I was talking with the couple about a ski trip I was planning and invited them along. His girlfriend told me she loved skiing and had taken lessons for years. A few days later, I found out this was not true; his girlfriend had never even skied in her life! I couldn't have cared less if she knew how to ski or even liked the sport, but dishonesty is always a red flag."
-Jeanie, Steamboat Springs, Colo.

11. DON'T disrespect family rules.
"My brother brought his girlfriend home to stay with our family. My parents are pretty old-fashioned, so they decided my brother and I would share a bedroom while his girlfriend slept in his room. Each night, his girlfriend would sneak into bed with my brother or try to get him into her room. My parents were too polite to say anything, but I heard them talking about how rude it was that she didn't respect their rules. Not only did it disappoint my parents, but it instantly made me question his girlfriend's character."
-Martin, St. Louis

12. DON'T talk behind their backs.
"My son brought his new girlfriend Anna* over. The family all started eating, visiting and exchanging gifts. Anna wasn't eating, so I offered to fix her a plate. She refused, claiming she had already eaten. Later on, I overheard Anna on the phone talking about how weird our food was and how gross it looked. She was complaining that she was starving and there was nothing for her to eat. If you truly don't like the food, at least have the decency to keep your thoughts to yourself so you don't offend anyone."
-Amy, Palm Harbor, Fla.

13. DON'T hog his time.
"After my grandson graduated from college, he began dating a new girlfriend and we rarely saw him. Finally, over New Year's she agreed to come over for the family's annual celebration. However, they ended up leaving after an hour. There was no reason that my grandson and his girlfriend couldn't have stuck around longer; they had already spent Thanksgiving and Christmas with her family, which was obviously her decision. After that incident, I refused to give her the time of day."
-Elizabeth, Avon, Conn.

14. DON'T be high-maintenance.
"One winter, my brother's girlfriend stayed with our family for a long weekend. Every morning, she would lock herself in the bathroom and emerge two hours later. She also refused to go outside and sled ride with the family, saying it would ruin her hair. When we came back, she was painting her toenails! After she left, my only impression of her from the entire weekend was her combing her hair or looking at her nails."
-Priya, Old Westbury, N.Y.

15. DON'T show up wearing nothing.
"When my son brought his girlfriend over for our annual holiday party, she showed up wearing only black leather boots and a tiny dress that barely covered her behind. We had grandparents, great aunts and uncles and little kids around, so it wasn't the right environment for that outfit. After she left, the whole family kept asking why my son's girlfriend was 'dressed like a hooker'-a question a mother never wants to be asked! Dress appropriately; it never hurts to be extra conservative when you're meeting new people."
-Morgan, Albany, N.Y.

16. DON'T be late.
"The first thing someone can do to make a bad impression is showing up late. If you are supposed to arrive at a certain time, make sure you are there 10 minutes early. My grandson's girlfriend always shows up late to family meals, and everyone is cranky and annoyed with her by the time she finally arrives."
-Jade, Scottsdale, Ariz.

17. DON'T avoid talking to his family just because he's not there to get the conversation started.

"My brother had a girlfriend who was very nervous around our family. His girlfriend would converse with only my brother and seemed uncomfortable when he was out of the room. She was so overly attentive to hanging around him that none of the family had a chance to get to really know her."

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This Is SO Powerful

If you or your kids were bullied.....or you know someone who is being bullied, this is a MUST SEE. Wow. I cried.


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Jennifer Lawrence Oscar Interview

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Baby Sloth, Matty, Wants To Give You A Flower

Awwwwww....I've watched this about a dozen times now. Does anyone need a sitter for their baby sloth? ;-)
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This is probably the CUTEST thing you will see all day!

Oh WOW....if this doesn't make you want to have a cute little one to sing duets with you, you are MUCH stronger than I am! Haha!  



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