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Screwy News

Posts from January 2012


Best Screwy news of the year: must read for today
Earlier this month, a 26 year old from England tweeted that he was going to quote, "destroy america" before he flew to LA. He meant he was going to get drunk and party. Homeland security didn't know that...they detained him at the airport and ended up depaorting him after 12 hours.

For years, customers at Fat Smitty's burget joint in northeast washington have stapled dollar bills to the walls and ceiling. The owner recently decided the walls were full, had boyscouts remove all the money..$10,316. Then he gave $3000 to St.jude hospital and the scouts kept the rest.

A thirty one year old in Arizona checked the cell phone of his girlfriends daughter , found she'd been taking naked photos of herself, and decided to teach her a lesson...by texting it to 40 of her friends. He was arrested for exploitation.
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Locations: ArizonaLouisiana




 
Secret man code broken. Ladies don't read.
This is a guy trick that works like a charm...but now it has been exposed to women around the world.
A strip club is south africa has come out with a line of aftershave to mask the smell of strippers when guys go home...For $37.50, you can get MY CAR BROKE DOWN, which smells like gasoline or WORKING LATE , that smells like coffee and printer ink. Really.
PS: the smell of gasoline covers any smell in the world....
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Screwy news: be glad you don't live her
There's a tiny village in southern China named 'DOG POOP VILLAGE'...BE GLAD YOU DON'T LIVE THERE.
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Screwy news? the weird and funny for january 19th 2012
A guy in Pennsylvania tried to rob a gambling parlor by threatening to spread STAPH infection. He failed.

According to a new study, sleeping right after a traumatic event locks in bad emotions and memories.

On tuesday, a 26 year old woman from Oklahoma was arrested for stealing a $35,000 2.04 carat diamond ring...from sam's Club.  They have jewelry  that expensive ? really....good luck with that

Police arrest a woman for DWP....EARLIER this week, in scotland, police busted a woman who'd driven off the road because she was reading her bible behind the wheel...Driving while praying...DWP...really.
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Topics: Law_Crime
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Locations: OklahomaPennsylvania




 
Screwy news: if you fight...Don't throw cats
An 85 year old argentinean woman is in critical condition on a ventilator...after a falling cat fractured her skull....A married couple was arguing, and the husband threw the family cat at his wife...she dodged it, but the cat flew out their fourth floor window, fell to the street, and landed on the woman's head. the cat didn't make it...careful Jedi.

Paula dean has diabetes....she also likes a stick of butter on everything she eats.

Be careful if you are thinking about taking a crusie this winter>>.see today's news...terible cruise ship disaster.

Mcdonalds...last week in california, a 31 year old woman was arrested outside a mcdonalds for offering people in the drive thru SEXUAL FAVORS for chicken mcNuggets...the answer is NO. see ya.
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Topics: Human Interest
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Screwy News: friday the 13th style
A woman in Mississippi called police after her crack dealer sold her some sugar instead. She was arrested.

An 89 year old in North Carolina was trapped in a carwash for 36 hours last weekend, after he l accidentally put a $100 bill in an automated pay machine, tried to get 33 $3 dollar car washes, and fell asleep in his car.

According to a new poll, 43 percent of people believe that God is helping Tim tebow win.

Interested in diamond- studded businees cards? They cost $1500 each
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Locations: MississippiNorth Carolina
People: Tim tebow




 
Screwy News: friday the 13th style
A woman in Mississippi called police after her crack dealer sold her some sugar instead. She was arrested.

An 89 year old in North Carolina was trapped in a carwash for 36 hours last weekend, after he l accidentally put a $100 bill in an automated pay machine, tried to get 33 $3 dollar car washes, and fell asleep in his car.

According to a new poll, 43 percent of people believe that God is helping Tim tebow win.

Interested in diamond- studded businees cards? They cost $1500 each
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Locations: MississippiNorth Carolina
People: Tim tebow




 
Todays Screwy news january 11 2012
One in five men don't change their underwear daily...look around at work today.

According to a new study, the average dog causes almost 2,000 family fights over the course of its life.

Bud light is now the best selling beer in america. Coors light is number two.

On sunday, in Florida, a 65 year old woman was OUTRAGED that her husband was watching "Judge Judy". Not sure if she was jealous of JudgeJudy...but she attacked him with a hammer and did a lot of damage.....she was arrested. He was watching Judge Judy people....just sitting there watching Judge Judy berate people from her perch.

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Topics: Law_Crime
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Locations: Florida
People: Judy




 
Screwy News: A huge batch of stuff..must read.
On thursday in Wisconsin, police arrested a man whose actual legal name is Beezow Doo-Doo zopittybop-bop-bop. Believe it or not, he was busted for marijuana possession. Shocking I know..pleae sit down.

Here's more proof the CRACK DON'T SMOKE ITSELF. Last week in florida, a man was in court for drug charges. And he chose to wear a jacket that featured the RECIPE FOR MAKING CRACK. It showed cartoon pictures including a white substance with a spoon, a carton of baking soda, a pot over fire, and a crack rock. There's no word on how his court appearance went..

In london, a man walked into a bank , and pulled out a gun, and demanded that the teller put $one million into his bag. Only when he went to hand over the bag, he accidentally handed the teller HIS GUN instead.
When he realized what he'd done, he ran out. The cops are still looking for him.
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Topics: Human Interest
Locations: LondonWisconsin




 
SCREWY NEWS; Darth Vader arrested and tasered
It was 2;45 in the morning in Orlando and there he was.....DARTH VADER. Drunk as a skunk. Darth decided to fight the cops. You think the cops would be no match for Darth. But it turns out it was just a guy in a Darth Vader mask....He spent the night in jail. Not sure why he was wearing the mask.

A drunk woman in Denver at an art museum caused a lot of damage and comotion. She got mad at a painting that was worth 30 million. So she pulled her pants down and rubbed her buttocks on the painting. She punched it. She scratched it...and did $10,000 in damage. nice buttocks.
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Topics: Entertainment_Culture
Locations: DenverOrlando




 
SCREWY NEWS; Darth Vader arrested and tasered
It was 2;45 in the morning in Orlando and there he was.....DARTH VADER. Drunk as a skunk. Darth decided to fight the cops. You think the cops would be no match for Darth. But it turns out it was just a guy in a Darth Vader mask....He spent the night in jail. Not sure why he was wearing the mask.

A drunk woman in Denver at an art museum caused a lot of damage and comotion. She got mad at a painting that was worth 30 million. So she pulled her pants down and rubbed her buttocks on the painting. She punched it. She scratched it...and did $10,000 in damage. nice buttocks.
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Topics: Entertainment_Culture
Locations: DenverOrlando




 
She called 911 to see if it was "OK" to shoot an intruder
On new years eve, an 18 year old woman in Oklahoma was home with her three month old baby. Her husband had died from cancer on Christmas. And two men broke into her house. She called 911 and asked for help....then asked for permission to SHOOT THEM if they attacked her. The 911 operator sort of gave her the green light...and when he came at her with a knife, she shot and killed him...She won't be charged because it was justifiable self defense.   wow factor 10.

This why we work so hard to keep you up to date on pop culture. On New Years eve, one hour before midnight, a 31 year old man stabbed his 48 year old friend..after an argument because the friend didn't know that JAY-Z and BEYONCE are married. The friend is now recovering....the guy who stabbed him is facing felony charges..

Finally...A 32 year old woman in Provo, Utah was arrested recently for stealing $600 worht of purses and pajamas from a JC PENNY.And she tried to get out of it by telling police the she used to be Rudy on the "THE COSBY SHOW'...AND SHE SAID SHE OWNED THE MALL. None of this worked for her. good try .
She went to jail.
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Topics: Law_Crime
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Locations: OklahomaUtah
People: JAY-Z




 
Is facebook a home wrecker?Plus mouse in the MT.DEW
Well facebook is really a homewrecker. True.. Facebook is now cited in one out of every divorce. the main ways are when someone catches their spouse sending messages to someone...one person posts negative comments about their soon-to-be-ex spouse...or people's friends give them reports on what their spouse has been doing online.
 A new study has found that men are most likely to hit on blondes.

The least attractive names based on online dating results. And the least attractive...get ready...Mandy and and Kevin. Have a good day.

Starbucks is gonna cost you more...shocker...coffee beans more expensive to handle.

A guy bought a Monutain dew from a vending machine in Illinois in 2009, and claims he found a dead mouse in the can. So naturally he filed a $350,000 lawsuit. But Pepsi is trying to get the case dismissed...because they say the mouse would dissolve long before the guy opened the can....really...YUK either way...
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Aliens invade Nevada Brothel...and more
If you are going to Nevada on vacation...your plans just got better. There is a new brothel that features Prostitutes dressed as Aliens...It's about time.

A new study finds you can wear jeans for three months without smelling bad.

A 99 year old is Divorcing his wife after finding out she had an affair ...in the 1940s.

Boston is the number one drunk city in America.

Finally:  Back in november a man went into a Walmart in norht carolina and tried to buy a vacuum cleaner with a MILLION DOLLAR BILL. Nice try moron.
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